❥ Saturday, March 06, 2010 @ 9:23 PM
Ahyee2 texted me early in the morning like 8.30AM asking if I wanna've breakfast with her before work and so after a few texts we confirmed that we'll meet @ 9.30AM somewhere near Ambank which I fucking've to walk really far from my house to there. But still I dilly dally-ed LOL plus I was wearing this like almost 2inch shoes which almost killed me lol. Fine I know 2inch is like fucking short only but I am not used to wearing such shoes ma! Shhh lemme tell you a secret - everyone was like exclaiming "WHY WEAR HIGH SHOES WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY SO TALL" to me. LOL~
Maybe because I want to look more lady leh? Hahahaha. :p
Uh ok back to the topic.. So we settled down at one of the shops there that sells banmian and when the waitress came to take our orders I swear I was fucking pisssssssssed!! Like hello don't you fucking've fucking basic manners to fucking finish the fucking yellowy food in your fucking mouth before you fucking come and fucking take customers' orders?! Fucking old hag, fucking kept chewing the food in her mouth. That was still okay, I mean yes everyone've to eat la. What most pissed me was her fucking attitude! Sibei laolan. What? Not happy with us can just fucking go away or we can just walk out of your fucking shop. Not as if your food are really that great anyway. So fucking salty -_-
I seriously wanted to scold that woman lor but Ahyee2 was like asking me not to. Then ok nevermind later on the luo han guo drinks that we ordered came and fuck, that drink was a total dunk. Jitao taste like dirty tap water. Was like so.......... Asked one of the waitresses over and since they wanted to laolan with me? I can do the same. I gave them a super duabai look hahaha and you know when I don't smile I looked very fierce actually. So that girl was like "er... er... er.." lol. Poor girl. It wasn't her fault la but I just felt VERY dulan. Too bad.
Parted with my friend and then went to work. Ahaha work is like forever the same everyday. But I am happy today because one of my ladyboss's customer complimented that my hair washing skills improved a hell lot (because I once washed her hair for her quite some time ago and today I washed it again due to some reasons) and even my massaging was good. Wahaha. You know, the best part about a job is to hear someone saying that you're good and you'll feel that alas, your efforts are not down the drain. Well I don't know about you guys la but it is like this for me. :)
***I've been thinking about this person and what he said last night today.. And my mind was so filled with all those memories together..Yes I don't deny that I don't miss you at all, in fact sometimes when I see or hear things that reminds me of you, I think of you so much that it's as if you never once left me. But we both know that you've left me for many times and the last time you left, you told me it's the end - which simply means that you no longer loves me. I'm no longer in your heart like how I used to be. My mood went down. I got emotional.
I drank, I reminisced, I sobbed. I broke down that very night. My tears kept falling and falling and I kept repeating this question - "why will you do this to me".
To someone that loves you more than she loves herself? Have you forgot all of our promises? And one was we'll marry when you've a stable job years later? I know it's probably quite funny to talk about all that when we're both just 17s and I don't know if you were serious but because my love for you was so deep and so true, I meant everything I said to you. That I wanna've kids with you, have a small family with you, willing to do anything for you and our family and no matter what I'll always stay by your side. I'll never leave you because I love you so much. Last July when we brokeup, I was like a zombie everyday. I onlined till morning every night and only sleeps in the morning because I didn't want to think about you. Whenever I blog in my private blog about you and our memories, I cried and wailed like a lost puppy in front of the screen missing you so dearly. I used to look at our pictures and only then I was able to sleep. But why? Why are you doing this to me? Everytime when we breakup, you'll tell me things that shakes my heart's decision. You'll tell me all sort of things that gives me hope. I thought you really changed baby, I really thought that you did. Which was why I rushed back to SG on 13/02 because I remembered, I promised you I'll come back for you before Valentine's day. But what did you gave me in the end? You broke your promise, you betrayed my trust for you. In fact you destroyed everything - including me. I was so hurt, thinking that I'll be finally able to see you after so fucking goddamn long - but in the end it was just merely hope. Somehow, I got used to the heartaches, probably because after so many times of you breaking my heart. So I told myself... That night will be the last night I ever shed a tear for you. And I did it. It's almost a month since that night but I never once cried. I'm proud of myself, that I can finally stand up and be strong. I realised that although I loved you, but the
"you" I loved is the one I know one year ago. Not the "you" that I currently know. Which means I don't love the current "you" anymore.
The one that's staying in my heart is the guy I agreed to be his girlfriend last year's March9. So.. Yes. I am posting all this on my open blog and not my private blog is because I want you to know. That I'm not someone that's without feelings.
I've got a heart that pumps and desires to be love others and others to love me. I used to believe in love when I was with you, but now? Love is a joke to me. I no longer believe in long lasting or true love. Because of you. Yes to be exact you destroyed me. Your love left me devastated. But baby, I don't hate you, I truly don't. In fact I've to thank you for giving me a lesson, a step closer to understanding Love. You were my sweetest dream yet also the most beautiful nightmare I had for the past one year. Thanks for everything really. Those memories we had together will forever be in my heart because you're my really special someone. Although you were not my first romance, I wished you were my last. But sad to say perhaps we really've got no fate nor destiny so now we're far apart. So maybe it's time we really should let go, sure you're tired too right?
I am, I really am. So yes.. Hope you'll excel in everything you does and goodluck for your Ns this year. Please don't smoke so much and always hangout with your friends doing some (..) things. I don't wish to see you walking the bad way. Take really good care of yourself alright? Because I no longer can... I still regard you as my goodfriend, so please don't hesitate to talk to me about your probs if you've got any. I'll be there to listen to your rants I promise.
I hope you won't avoid me after reading all these because I don't want us to be like that. I want us to be just like before we both were together last year. :)
Goodbye to the "you" that I used to love so much, soooooo..... much. I love you,
