❥ Friday, September 11, 2009 @ 1:08 AM
Like seriously la I'm missing you so much. I know i shouldn't but i just can't help it. I miss everything about you. Your voice your eyes your lips your kisses your hugs your perfume your cig's smell your hair your smiles your hand your breathings. Everything. I really never knew that i can actually love someone till like this. You might not be the best guy but is someone i love the most for sure. Those memories and everything, is deep down in my heart. Yes i had have boyfriends after you but i realised that i still can't let you go. I swear i had put in real and much feelings for Z and when he broke with me i really cried like some mad woman. But as time passes i don't really bother anymore. Probably cause i expected it? But for you, even though i no longer let my tears fall for you but i really, truly, super miss you. I miss the cig smell on you when I'm in your arms. I miss how sweet you're whenever we're together. I miss your smiles that melts my heart. I miss your voice that i love so much. I miss your gentleness. I miss how you cared about me. I miss feeding you abc soup. I miss holding your hand. I miss pinching your face and nose. I miss poking you like how i did when i was at your place. I miss the way you teases me. I miss your scent. I miss everything of you so effing much. :'<
You said before I'm the only girl you truly love. I don't know if it's true or not but i was rly happy when you said that do you know. I've been wondering if you're attached now? Part of me wants to know but the other part of me is afraid that if i know you're attached i'll break down like the past. I'm struggling much. I can't imagine you having another girl in your arms your kisses's another girl's your hand's holding another girl's. Everything. I'm selfish, i really wants you to be mine and I'm your one and only, the last one. Just by thinking you're another girl's boyfriend hurts so much. I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ANOTHER GIRL'S HUBBIE.
:'<
The pub below my house is now playing Akon's Right now. Do you remember this song? You were playing it & also TroubleMaker when i was at your place the last time i met you. It was 3months+ ago already. Remember? I hugged you so tightly and so did you. I was so upset over smth you did & tears fell. I rly didn't meant to do that, you know that i hate dropping tears infront of others don't you? But idk why, infront of you I'm always so weak. I hate to think in negative ways as much as you hate me thinking it, but what can i do. I really love you so deeply that i can no longer control my own emotions anymore. My heart yearn for you so dearly. In the past no matter how unhappy I'm, i'm still happy in th end because i had you. Now that you're not by my side idk what to do. I hoped that you're still here looking into my eyes lovingly but.... It's impossible already.
You've left me permanently. You left me alone just when i needed you so much.
Do you know how much i miss, i need and i love you?
It's not just words can explain. Everything that i've done for you before, have you ever see my efforts for all of them? Those giving in and everything... But always the blame is pushed to me by you, and because i didn't want you to be upset i silently took it all. But yet you took me for granted..
I understand that if you're mine, in th future you'll still be mine again. So all i can hope is you're my future one. Really. No matter what costs i'll have to pay i know I'm willing to. I've got nothing else to lose, but the heart of loving only you. You're the first guy that i ever love so much. Th 1st that i gave presents to. Th 1st that i called as my husband. Th 1st that was with me for th longest... 我努力想起你, 笑着哭泣, 让自己深爱你, 再学会放弃, 我不想忘记你, 就算可以, 我领可记得所有伤心. I love you KPYL. I did in th past, i still do now and always in th future. Even if one day i really is able to take back th love i had for you, you and th memories we shared will forever be with me, etched vividly on my heart and soul. This i promise you, so can i swear upon th sky. All i hope now is you're happy, healthy and please, take good care of yourself because i no longer can. Goodluck fr your upcoming exams too. 我爱你, 是真的真的很爱你... :'>
I wished that i can still see and feel you in my dreams. Will you come to my dream tonight?
♥ Love, goodnightz. :(
