♥ @ Kisses

❥ Tuesday, June 30, 2009 @ 1:58 PM

Got my pay this morning, like finally!
Rather less, but aiya, whatcha expect from a stingy ladyboss?
And to think that I again trusted someone wrongly -.-
Cindy and Ping themselves asked me not to say out a particular thing, but yet they themselves told everyone about it!
Wtfagz.
They even told out that I brokedown.
Yeah fine whatever, a bunch of fakers. -.-!

Last night, my Sg grandma finally called after so long of not calling me.
I was like wondering what happened to her la?
When she called I was kinda happy but I kept that feeling to myself.
I told her that I'm gonna get the bus ticket like very soon.
Then she asked who's gonna fetch me go, I told her in a very guailan way: You don't have to know who.
It's like, even if I tell her she wouldn't know who isit what, why bother telling right?
Then she got fedup and said I've changed from the bad to worst, and never listens to people anymore.
She even added on "After this time, you don't have to come out to Sg anymore, I don't welcome you"
Like what the fuck?
Yeah I know I'm in some wrong to attitude her.
But how can I change, it's the attitude I'm having since young towards her already what.
Besides, I don't fucking like people asking me stupid questions and that question was considered one to me.
Even when I talk to Felicia sometimes my tone's like that too.
Any problem with that?
I don't give a fuck damn anyway.
But seriously her words were fucking heavy to me.
If I don't fucking listens to anybody I won't even fucking bother to go and fucking work at such low-pay place.
If I don't I already fucking became a fucking big news on the papers already.
If I don't I'm already squatting in the girls' home spending a part of my life there.
Fuck okay, I fucking DO listen to people whom I know I should.
And I did!
But what have I gotten back, with noone trying or even bother to fucking understand how fucking miserable I feels deep inside.
Don't tell me a pile of fucking shit like "I took care of you since young so obviously I know what you're thinking and what do you want"
You're definately lying to yourself if you said/thought of that times and again.
BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DON'T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL.
If you do, I'll never be how I used to be.
A rebellious kid you call that?
If I don't think for you all, I would had called you all when I had troubles outside involving with the police, and I wasn't even guilty of anything they accused.
All because I didn't want to make you guys worried for me.
Yes, you all sent me to school, showered me with care and love when I was young.
Mark my word - when I was young.
Ever since I entered the teenage stage you all never fucking bothered about me anymore.
Whenever I had good grades and tell you all excitingly you all just brush me off with "I'm busy, don't come and kajiao me"
And the tones that you all used when talking to me?
Extremely cold....
Even when I'm trying to be nice and talks to you all nicely you all just look at me with those cold eyes and look away.
Have you ever thought of how I felt?
I am too a human with feelings, I do know how to think.
All those scars I have reminds me of everything.
Now that you've got your own grandchildren already, ofcourse I don't matter that much anymore.
So what if I was by your side since young, since grandpa passed away, I'm still just not in any part of your family.
I'm not blood-related to you anyway..
Since last year till now, one year had passed, but haven't I changed?
I'm trying so hard to earn back you all's trust, love and care.
But did you guys see?
Apparently not.
Ya la whatever, since I turned 14 I was never anything 'good' in anybody's eyes.

Labels: heartbreaks