♥ @ Kisses

❥ Sunday, August 31, 2008 @ 12:54 AM

Today shall be one of the worst days in my whole life of merely 15years.
Maybe there are others but I guess my brain can't recall so forget it yeh ._.

I made almost EVERYONE upset, AND including myself.
They argued, they shouted, they screamed, they scolded..
And lastly they cried. Wtf?
I mean it's not the part that they cried but the part it's my AUNT and my DAD who cried.
Omg? I seriously was shocked when I see those scenes. Until now I still remember those looks on their face, even though it's only not long ago(for my dad).
I'm not trying to act as though I'm goddamn noble but my heart ache terribly.
I don't like seeing my family members crying, arguing, shouting and screaming over me.
It's seriously not worth, because I'm not worth that!
And today I think my temper was rather great because I totally didn't flare.
Or maybe out of 100% I only got heatedup by 30% which is REALLY REALLY little okay.
I mean compare to my normal temper la. For those who had never seen me being crazy before it's something good I guess? ._.

Back to the topic of "One of my worst days in my life".
Okay I seriously gets so agitated(correct me if I got it wrong spelling) when I sees people around me crying, especially my family members/good friends.
AND EVEN WORSE IF IT'S OVER ME -.-
I'm agitated not because they cried but because it's ME that made them tear!
I don't like the feeling of that. I feels so useless about everything and stuffs.
And for the first time I saw my dad going ga-ga.
He got so angry and fuckedup that he actually broke a dustpan, omg.
I was so astonished(once again, correct me if I'm using this word wrongly) when I saw that.
He talked, or rather call it 'shout', shouted at me and he actually threw the brokened woodstick onto the floor and it "bounced" or whatever you call it, hit me.
It didn't really hurt because I've experienced much more painful stuffs then that.
Don't ask me what cause I don't remember, because I don't like to remember sad/painful stuffs.
I guess I was being rather unf____(I forgot the spelling. I hope you guys know what I mean).
I actually cried and screamed and shouted to my dad and said this:
"You've never treated me as your daughter, have you?"
I really really didn't meant to say that. I was just feeling so upset that he's gonna confiscate my phone which I HATE THE MOST whenever anyone wanna do so.
I don't fucking care who the hell would it be.
Today I experienced so much.
Aunt & Dad arguing over and over again on the phone about who's right who's wrong.
Aunt says Dad don't care about me.
Dad says Aunt don't care about me.
Aunt says Dad is unable to care and support me.
Dad says Aunt don't have the heart to care for me.
Aunt says Dad is #$%^&*#$%^&,
Dad says Aunt is #$%&*#$%^&$^.
I'm so damn sick and tired of it la okay! -.-
After listening to my Aunt who's crying on the phone just now, then my Dad.
Now I don't even know who's the bad guy and who's the good guy, wtf.
Hello I'm only 15. I seriously don't think that I deserve all these, LOR.
Hmmm, wait, maybe I do, cause I'm the fire starter.
But seriously these stuffs happening around me right now is too hard for me to adapt in such short time..
I'm hating myself more and more as minutes passed.

Sigh nevermind. I spent hours blogging about this matter.
The time's now 2.57am.
I don't wanna waste my time blogging already. Shall go blog-hopping instead.
And now I've to guard the stupid ILLEGAL lan till 12pm tomorrow afternoon or earlier.
"Congratulations", that's what I can say to my ownself.

Labels: I seriously wish that I can throw my life away. )':